Emancipation
by WickedGame
Summary: Quatre has watched Trowa at the zoo; watched as he admired the lions in their cage. Who knew Trowa felt just as trapped? 3x4, 1 2 1, mention of 5xR. Yaoi.


Title: Emancipation

Author: WickedGame

Pairing: 34, 1 2 1, mention of 5xR

Genre: Drama

Rating: R

Warnings: character sickness and death, foul language, lemon, lime

Notes: This started out as a PWP, believe it or not, but it never got to the point where Quatre and Trowa do the whole PWP part. All of a sudden, while I was writing it, Trowa decided to be angsty and hard to get and out popped this story. For the purpose of the story, Catherine is Catherine Barton in this story. Beta read by the darling Mel, who worked very hard on this for me. Also, there may be some tense problems in latter parts of the story, due to the length of time it took me to write this.

Summary: Trowa Barton always comes to see the lions in the zoo, and when zookeeper Quatre finds out why he feels like he has a duty to not only help Trowa, but to help his extremely sick sister.

When I first saw him there, sitting on the bench in front of the lion exhibition, I didn't know what to think. It wasn't that he was terribly strange or anything, it was just the amount of time he sat there, contemplating the large cats silently, smiling secretly every once and awhile as he paid the other zoo patrons no mind. It was as if he were listening to the lions, to their purrs and roars as if they were talking; talking just for him.

He came every Sunday through Thursday for a couple of hours but was absent for the rest of the week. I wondered where he worked and where he lived. I wondered if anyone missed him while he was here with our felines. For some reason he seemed lonely. For some reason, I thought no one was missing him and, therefore, maybe I could miss him. It made me feel better that I cared in some way, cared enough to miss him when he wasn't on the pine bench in front of the lions.

From time to time he would disappear for a couple of weeks and I would worry he had gone for good. But then he would return and it would all feel right again.

Sometimes I would sit down on the bench where he had sat once he had left for the day. I would take in the warmth that he left behind, in both the air and on the wood. He was lonely, that much I could feel. But he was also sad, and felt much like the lions in the habitat. Like he was home, but that the home he was in would never be the home he truly longed for and dreamt of. He was a lion in a fancy cage instead of one in the savannah. He longed to be that wild lion but knew the trappings of his human life would never let him be that free. Humans have responsibilities and a pride in their own way.

I don't think I could ever feel that way. If anything, I was only one in a litter of puppies. Born to be adored and looked at but never truly remembered. I would grow to be as large and as great as the other dogs but I would always be different because I was a black Labrador in the midst of golden ones. I was born the only boy in a huge family of girls and I felt that every day was another day I got by without being buried beneath mounds and mounds of girl talk. I guess you could say I almost felt like the runt of the litter except I was just as strong, or even stronger, than most men. Hauling around feed bags and shoveling animal waste will build muscle I assure you.

And when I got around to talking to him finally, I felt like a clumsy puppy. I felt like I was all paws and fur. I was sweeping up trash in the large cats section when I saw him pass me and then sit in his usual spot. I gradually started moving towards him, minding my duties while trying to get closer. Finally I was about three feet from him, getting ready to ask him to please lift his feet while I sweep out the dirt from under him…

The ground rushed up to greet me as I tripped over the dustpan, but an arm reached out to steady me before my knees could hit the concrete.

I said the first thing that came to mind as I looked up at him. "Your eyes are so _green."_

Oh please, someone please put me to sleep. I really am a bad dog.

But he smiled. He smiled very easily, very softly. "And yours are blue. Are you all right?"

I nodded and used his hand to help myself up to standing again. "Thanks. I could've fallen flat on my face there."

He nodded and looked me over. "Doesn't look like there's any damage, except maybe to your dustpan."

I groaned as I saw that the dustpan now had a nice, big crack in it. I looked sheepishly at the man. "Looks like I'm going to have to go get another one. I'll see you around."

I smiled and started to walk away when I heard him call out my name. I turned around, confused. "How'd you know my name?"

He smirked. "Name tag."

I shook my head in embarrassment.

"Quatre? It's a nice name," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Thanks. What's yours?" I asked him.

"Trowa. Trowa Barton."

A mysterious name for a mysterious guy. "Nice to meet you, Trowa Barton. My name is Quatre Winner. And should you need anyone to see to your zoo maintenance needs, please let me know."

His laughter followed me down the walkway, and it stayed with me for the rest of the day.

That night I met my best friends at the pub. By the time I walked in the local trivia night was in full swing. I slid into our usual booth and signaled the bartender to bring me a beer.

"Who played the young version of Tom Hanks in the movie 'Big'?" the trivia host asked.

My friends conferred briefly before raising their hands.

"Your guess?" The host looked bored and rather like he wished he were somewhere else.

"Fred Savage," my long-haired friend Duo said with confidence.

"Wrong," the host shook his head. Another team raised their hand and answered with another wrong guess. My friends looked at me like it was my fault that they'd guessed wrong.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're late," Heero pointed out. "We've already gone through one round."

"I know," I said apologetically, "but I met someone at the zoo today, and I couldn't get him out of my head. I've been a bit out of it every since."

Duo smiled. "You met someone? Does he have a name?"

"Trowa," I said with a smile. "He comes to the zoo almost every day, just to sit and watch the lions."

"Why the lions?" Heero asked.

I shrugged. "Usually, when someone's fixated on one particular animal it means they identify with that animal."

"He thinks he's king of the jungle!" Duo snickered. I smacked him on his arm and Heero turned down the chance to compete in the next round of trivia.

"Do you know anything else about him other than the fact he likes lions and is named Trowa?" Heero asked before draining his beer.

I shook my head. "I hope to find out though."

Duo shook the peanut bowl at a passing waitress and she took it from us. Heero scowled at her appraisal of Duo and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from laughing out loud. The two of them had been circling each other for years and I didn't know if they would ever figure it all out. Sometimes, I actually hope that they don't because it's a good source of entertainment for everyone.

"Well," Duo said thoughtfully, "let's just be thankful this Trowa guy isn't into tigers. Lord knows the clichés could be disastrous."

I laughed and was glad to have Heero and Duo around. If anything they could keep a guy grounded.

The next day was my day off, and I spent it at the one place I should be avoiding on my day off. The lions were sleepy that day, avoiding the bright sunlight and staying in the shade. I was quite the opposite, choosing a sunny and well-lit place to view them, as well as hopefully viewing Trowa.

He didn't show until almost mid-day. By that time I had already worked halfway through a crossword puzzle book, a bag of popcorn, and a cherry slushie.

He looked surprised to see me, and detoured from his usual spot to come sit by me.

"What brings you to the zoo on your day off?" he asked as he took a seat.

"Actually, I was hoping to get a chance to see you," I answered glibly, acting as if it was no big deal. I go to the zoo every time I have a day off to ask a man out for drinks!

In reality, I think I was shaking like a leaf.

Trowa's head cocked to the side, as if his curiosity had been piqued. "To see me?"

I nodded.

He looked at the lions, deep in thought it seemed. "Do you know why I come here and sit by the lions?"

I shook my head. "I can only hazard a guess that you somehow identify with them. That's why most people fixate on a singular animal."

Trowa nodded. "Here they are, these great big jungle cats, trapped in cages. Kings of the jungle, yet they are only kings of a small cage now. I know what it feels like, to be trapped, to not feel as if you have any freedom at all. And I know what it is to want that freedom."

I looked down at my hands. "You're trapped in something?"

He shook his head. "In someone."

I'm sure I looked a little shocked. "You're married?"

"No," he said, flashing a ring-less left hand, "not married. But I am trapped, in a way. My sister is sick, very sick, and I'm all she has. So I hope you'll forgive me when I tell you that while I'm very flattered, and I would love to get to know you; I don't think I can."

I watched as he walked away, past the lions and toward the exit.

Well, he never said no, right?

"What Nicholas Cage movie featured a car named 'Eleanor'?" the trivia announcer boomed as I sat with Duo and Heero that evening.

Duo raised his hand. "Gone in Sixty Seconds!"

But he wasn't the first to shout it out, and he sat back down with a dejected frown. "Fucking smart ass college kids."

Heero glared at the table that had answered the question. I felt compelled to point out that it was only a game. I only got two disbelieving faces in response.

"Winner," Heero said as he took another swig of beer from his bottle, "if you're not going to answer some questions I'm going to kick you off our team."

Duo signaled for another beer and then turned to me. "We could always get Wufei to come down here and answers some questions."

I laughed. "If you can get Relena to let him go! She's a harsh taskmistress when it comes to his law degree."

We had missed the next question, which had been something about Star Wars. I dutifully listened to the rest of the questions and answered where I could. I had earned forgiveness from my best friends by the time midnight came around, and after the trivia I told them about what happened.

"A sick sister? That's got to be difficult," Duo said thoughtfully.

I nodded. "I know all about having sisters. I just wonder what she's so sick with."

Heero looked up from where his head was pillowed on his hands. "You could always ask. All he can tell you to do is fuck off."

I shrugged. "I don't know if I should pry, or if I should just keep my nose to myself."

Duo ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I'm with Heero here. If you want the guy, then go after the guy. He sounds like he could use a friend. You want me to do a background check on him?"

I gave him a rather pointed look, considering how long he had been over the moon about Heero. And regarding the background check, well, let's just say it's nice to have friends in law enforcement.

What had I learned about Trowa Barton? Well, I knew one thing: his life had been anything but easy.

Trowa Barton was the child of Antonio and Rose Barton. He had an older, adopted sister named Catherine. Public record showed that his mother had taught at a private school, and that Catherine and Trowa had attended that school. No one in the family had a record. Marriage records showed that his mom and dad had been married for six years when they had Trowa. They had been married four years when they adopted baby Catherine.

The only other blip on the radar was their deaths. Antonio and Rose Barton were killed when they were hit head on. The police report suggested that Antonio Barton had fallen asleep at the wheel and had drifted into the oncoming lane. Their compact car never stood a chance against a large truck like the one they hit. Catherine and Trowa had been at home when it happened. Trowa was twenty and Catherine was twenty-two. That was two years ago.

I shredded the file after reading that Trowa Barton had no credit to check. I wouldn't need it anymore. It was bad enough that I let Duo check it out for me. The burden of knowledge, right?

His background only told me that his sister was the only family he had left. No wonder he didn't want to leave her side.

I had it in my mind that someone needed to change things for the Barton family. But the question was what? What could I do?

I went about my work every day like nothing had happened. Even when Trowa was there I kept my mouth shut and just hummed as I worked, like always. I knew he knew I was there; I saw him watching me more than once. I just waited, knowing that one day he would talk to me. Actually, I didn't know, I just hoped like hell.

And he did talk to me. It was about two weeks after I asked him out actually. I was humming Ella Fitzgerald as I swept out the area in front of the benches when I heard him laugh suddenly.

"What?" I asked, still sweeping.

"I bet you're the only person in the world that hums jazz while sweeping," he said.

"I bet not," I countered, still sweeping up empty boxes of popcorn and discarded juice boxes.

"Listen," he started to say, "can I talk to you?"

I stopped my sweeping and leaned against the broom. "Sure, what can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry for how rude I was," he said softly.

I leaned the broom against a post and sat down next to him. "It's all right. I know all about having sisters."

"How many do you have?" he asked casually.

"Twenty-nine, actually," I answered truthfully.

His eyebrows shot up. "You don't."

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. I could name them all if you want. And don't get me started on my nieces and nephews. I don't think I've even met them all."

"Your mom and dad...they must've loved each other very much," he said, trying not to laugh.

"They loved each other very, very often is more like it," I answered.

He laughed loudly, more loudly than I had ever heard him laugh. I smiled, proud that I had made him do so.

When his laughter had died down, I asked a more serious question. "So, your sister… she's sick?"

He nodded. "Yes."

I stood, not wanting to pry more. "Well, maybe one day you'll tell me about it."

I went back to sweeping, and left Trowa to his own thoughts. I knew what I wanted, and I was determined to wait until he figured out what he wanted too.

I was rinsing out the bottom of the large parrot habitat when I heard a whistle behind me.

"Trowa! What a pleasant surprise!" I said brightly as I spied him standing outside the cage. "And away from the lions, too."

"Can I talk to you when you're done?" he asked.

I nodded. "Be done in a minute."

I smiled as I finished up my work. He sought _me_ out. He came looking _for_ _me_. To _talk_ to _me_. I wasn't too sure about talking to him while wearing waders and probably smelling of bird crap but I was going to have to take what I could get.

I stepped out of the cage, careful to lock it as I exited. Trowa was leaning on the railing, watching as the other zookeepers let the parrots back inside their home. I took off my gloves and walked over to him.

"What can I do for you?"

He smiled nervously as he looked at me. "Would you like to come to dinner? At my house?"

I'm sure I looked shocked. "Name the day and time."

He handed me a piece of paper. "Tonight. Time and directions are on there."

"Can I ask what made you change your mind?" I wanted to bite my tongue.

He shrugged. "I don't know if I have yet. But Cathy wanted to meet you."

It sounded like the sibling equivalent of going to meet the parents. "Sure. I'll be there."

Trowa waved as he left, and I waited until he left to unfold the paper. Seven o'clock, and she wanted me to bring my favorite movie.

Duo stared at me, dumbfounded. "What do you mean you don't know what to wear?"

I glared at him. "I've never been to meet a guy's sister! Sure, I've gone to dinner at a guy's house and everything, but never to meet his sister!"

Heero crossed his arms. "Wear what you'd wear to any other dinner thing."

Duo looked over his shoulder at Heero and frowned. "Yeah, you wearing what you'd wear to any other dinner thing is really drawing the chicks in."

Heero threw up his hands and left the room, most assuredly to grab a beer from the fridge. Duo Maxwell is enough to drive any man to drink. And chances are that Heero needed to leave before he said something he thought he'd regret.

I sighed. "Duo, really. Do you have to do this? Why can't you just come out and tell him?"

He fiddled with the end of his braid and snorted. "Yeah, right. Even if he did feel the same…"

"He does," I pointed out.

Duo stuck his tongue out at me. "Heero Yuy is a perfect cop, and an almost perfect man. He's also my best friend, besides you. I don't know whether to walk towards where we've been heading or run like hell."

I laughed softly. "If you spend your whole life wondering you'll die with only regrets."

Duo nodded. I decided to take a bathroom break.

And on the way, I pretended not to notice that Heero was leaning against the wall near my bedroom.

In the end, Duo assured me the white button-up oxford and my navy-blue slacks were okay to wear, so I went with that. I was freshly showered, shaved, and I hoped like hell I didn't use too much cologne. My favorite movie was in one hand, and a small bouquet of daisies was in the other. I hoped I was ready and rang the doorbell.

Trowa answered, dressed in dark jeans and a red shirt. A wooden spoon was in one hand, stained with what looked to be some sort of green sauce. I found myself wondering if a white shirt was such a good idea after all.

"Hey," he said as he opened the door wide enough to let me in.

"Hi," I said simply as I entered the house. It was a small house, just big enough for the two of them, and by the looks of things Trowa's sister had done the majority of the decorating. "Nice house."

Trowa was staring at the flowers in my hand. "I hope those aren't for me."

I shook my head. "No, they're for your sister, if she can have them."

He smiled, making me think the flowers were a good idea. "She loves flowers."

Spying the paintings on the walls with their varying flora and fauna I nodded. "So I can see."

"Well, follow me," he said as he started down the hallway, "Cathy's in the living room."

I hate to admit that I was watching his ass as he walked, but I was. I really was. I was watching his ass and thinking thoughts any normal gay man thinks when they see a nice ass when I was struck cold in the face by the appearance of Trowa's sister.

Catherine Barton didn't look twenty-four. She looked much, much older than that. Her skin was almost translucent from the lack of outdoor activity, and her hair was thin and wispy. The large family portrait over the mantle in the living room suggested that at one time her skin had been radiant and her hair had been bouncy, wavy, and a bright, shiny reddish brown. Her eyes were a peculiar shade of light purple that I'd never seen before. In the picture they were shining and laughing; but here in person they were sad, and looked heavy with worries I'd never known.

I didn't show what I was thinking. At least, I hoped I didn't. I walked over to where she was sitting on the couch and held out my hand. "It's nice to meet you, Miss Barton. I'm Quatre Winner."

Her smile was slight as she took my hand and limply shook it. She licked her lips like they were dry. "It's nice to meet you, Quatre."

I saw the cup of tea sitting on the table next to her. It was untouched but still warm. I sat down across from her in a wooden rocking chair and laid the daisies down on the small table between us.

"Are those for me?" she asked, her eyes lighting up a little at the sight of the white flowers.

I nodded. "Well, they're sure not for Trowa!"

Her face grew sad as she stared at the flowers. "He likes you."

I laughed lightly. "Does he?"

She didn't look up from the flowers. "He told me about you: about how you asked him out and about how he said no."

I felt the smile leave my face and I toyed with the sleeve of my shirt briefly. "I've been turned down before. I'm not arrogant enough to think that one dinner with him will make him forget about how he feels for you, and how he wants to take care of you."

She struggled to sit up straighter, looking as if she was trying to draw strength from somewhere inside. "That's just the thing, Quatre. He wants to take care of me too much. There hasn't been a moment for him since our parents died. Ever since then, even though I'm the older sister, he's been taking care of me; taking care of everything. I don't want that for him. He's too young to be cooped up here, taking care of his sick sister."

I held up a hand and she stopped talking. "I have a lot of sisters. I know that if even one of them was sick I would be there trying to take care of them. You're all Trowa has left and it's only natural for him to want to take care of you."

"I won't be here for much longer, Quatre," Catherine told me, shifting under her blanket. "Trowa's going to need someone to care for him when I'm gone."

I heard the desperation in her voice and sensed that she and Trowa had probably had this argument more than once in the past. I didn't doubt it one bit.

"Catherine, I can't make him into someone he's not. All I can do is sit here and offer whatever help I can provide until then."

I meant it too. Whatever help I could offer was theirs for the taking. All they needed to do was ask. And to tell the truth: as much as I liked Trowa, I didn't know if I could be the family he needed after his sister passes on. We hadn't even been on a date yet!

But that was the point, wasn't it? That was why I was there: to try and convince Trowa that he could go out with me, and that his sister would approve of it. Hell, if I needed to I would have all my dates in his house, just to set his mind at ease.

I had a feeling he was worth it.

Dinner was superb. Trowa told me he'd taken a few classes after his parents had died because he needed to know how to cook for himself and Catherine. I praised him on his superb pesto cream sauce and Catherine nibbled on the roasted chicken that had been sliced thinly and settled on the bed of angel hair pasta.

I provided most of the conversation over dinner, entertaining the siblings with tales of zoo mishaps. There was an amusing tale of a red panda that developed an attachment to my hair, and a sweet tale of how a mother chimpanzee carried her baby even after he was big enough to walk around by himself. Catherine's eyes stayed trained on me, and her smiles made Trowa smile so I made doubly sure to be as entertaining as possible.

There was no dessert. Not that I cared, I was too stuffed to have eaten anything else anyway. So we moved out to the den to watch the movie I brought, Catherine laying on the couch while Trowa and I sat on the floor.

"She's out," Trowa said to me about a quarter of the way through the film. "Pasta always does it to her."

I paused the movie and moved so Trowa could pick her up. She looked like she weighed nothing as he carried her down the hall and to her bedroom. I followed, but stayed in the hall to avoid invading their privacy. I heard her murmur something, and Trowa spoke softly back to her as he tucked her into her bed.

I was in the kitchen when he returned, rinsing dishes and stacking them to be washed. He cleared his throat and leaned against the door frame.

"What?" I asked as I dried my hands on a dish towel.

"Guests don't wash dishes. Let's go finish the movie."

I followed him back into the den and we took up seats on opposites sides of the couch.

I'd like to tell you that we gradually scooted closer together on the couch; that we snuggled and maybe even kissed and made out… but we didn't. The movie proceeded as normally as a movie could, and by the end Trowa's eyes were drooping.

I gathered my movie and my keys up while he stretched, and I headed to the door. He was behind me as I opened it.

"I had a good time, Trowa," I told him.

"Thank you for coming over," he replied.

And then I was out the door, and it was closing behind me. But at least it had been something.

I tried not to worry when I didn't seen or hear from Trowa for three days after our dinner. I really did. But by the fourth day of silence I really started to question what was going on. Did I make a mistake? Did I offend him in some way? I looked for him every day, and it was a week before I saw him again.

"Hey," was all he said as he approached me in the butterfly habitat.

"Hi!" I said brightly as I dusted my hands off on my pants and stood back up from where I had been kneeling. "Long time no see."

He shrugged. "Cathy's nurse got changed this week, so I've been hanging around to make sure she got everything okay before I went out."

I started to walk toward the exit, Trowa following me at a short distance. Once we were outside again I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. "Is she okay?"

He nodded. "As good as can be expected. She told me to tell you that she had a lot of fun, and that she wants you to come over again."

"Do _you_ want me to come over again? Or is this only your sister?" I had to ask. As much as I wanted to help Cathy, I wasn't doing this solely for altruistic purposes.

His feet started to move, and we walked together towards the giraffe compound. I had the distinct pleasure of making sure their stalls were relatively muck-free.

"I want you to come too," he finally said. "I really want you to come."

"Was that hard for you to say?" I asked him as I stopped in the middle of the walkway.

Trowa nodded. "Look, Quatre, I'm not good at this. I'm really not. But Catherine keeps reminding me that she's not going to be around forever…and she's right. As much as it hurts, she's going to be gone someday. I don't want to be alone when it happens."

I felt a little insulted. "So, I'm your solution for not being alone?"

His eyes widened and his mouth turned down. "No. Yes. I don't know. But I'm trying to understand it. Come to dinner tonight?"

"Only if I can bring a bottle of wine," I insisted.

He weighed my words. Trowa's very good at that. He thinks before he speaks, and you know it's going to be important.

"We have to wait until she's asleep to drink it," he told me.

"Not a problem. How about you pick the movie this time?"

"I think maybe we might play a card game instead. Would that be okay?"

I smiled at him. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into!"

His smirk told me I might be wrong.

Cathy had a terrible poker face. Really she did. She tried hard to keep her face straight, but her face was far too honest for poker. Her eyes would crinkle at the sides when she had a good hand, and her lips would turn down slightly when she had a bad hand. She couldn't bluff worth a damn.

But Trowa was the master of bluffing. All the tiny chocolate candies were in his pile by the end of our game. And that's when Cathy announced she was ready for bed.

"Trowa, could you go get me a glass of water? I'm sure Quatre can help me to bed."

I'd never seen Trowa's face look more confused. "Are you sure?"

I flashed a smile that I knew had reassured a lot of people in the past. "I can handle it, Trowa."

He nodded and walked toward the kitchen while I helped Cathy up and headed for the bedroom.

"I like it when you come over, Quatre. He smiles more, and he laughs more. You're good for him."

I helped her to her bed and let her sit down on the floral blanket that covered it. "You think?"

She nodded. "You're a brave man, Quatre. And a patient one."

"I try my best," I assured her. "Have a good night, Cathy."

Trowa was in the hall with the glass of water. I looked up at him and saw the emotions flickering behind his eyes. I walked past him and into the kitchen, busying myself with opening the bottle of red wine I had brought with me. I felt him come up behind me as I was pouring the wine into two glasses I had found high in the cupboard.

"She's right, you know," he said.

I didn't bother to turn around. I just rested my hands on the counter. "She's right and she's not. I'm patient, but I'm not brave. I've never seen anyone braver than you, to tell the truth."

"I'm not brave. I've been hiding in here with her for so long that I don't know what it's like to actually interact with people who aren't nurses or doctors."

I picked up the glasses and handed one to Trowa. He took a long drink, not bothering to sip at it like most people would. I rolled my stem between my fingers and watched the red liquid slosh against the sides.

"Trowa, life hasn't been good to you. It's taken away the people you love and has caused you a lot of pain. You're skittish and I can only imagine what it must be like. I can try to empathize, but empathy only goes so far. I don't want you to think I'm only here for how gorgeous you are, or for how much I want to date you… I'm willing to give that up if it means I could help you and your sister find just a little happiness." He just looked at me, and so I carried on. "I can't pretend like I don't want more. I can't pretend that looking at you right now doesn't make me want to kiss you, but I won't do that to you, Trowa. I'm not that kind of guy. I've learned over time that you take what you can get, because life is so very short."

I noticed that Trowa had drained his glass, and so I turned to pick up the wine bottle.

"You want to kiss me?" Trowa's voice came from right behind me.

"Very much. But I don't kiss people unless they want to be kissed," I said as I turned around. His green eyes challenged me to try it, to take that chance. I held out the wine bottle and shook it gently. "More wine?"

Trowa looked at the wine, and then he looked at me. "No."

I took the wine stem from his hand and placed it on the counter, next to my own. I turned and walked toward the den, thinking I should get my keys and get out of there before I said anything that might get us both into trouble.

Trowa's hand on my arm stopped me.

"Quatre."

There was something in the way he said my name: a gravity and weariness I'd never heard from anyone else. The weight of the world, I think I would call it. I didn't resist Trowa when he pulled me back towards him. I willingly sank back into his chest when he pulled me close. His lips were at my neck, slightly grazing and his nose was inhaling deeply.

"Quatre…"

"What?" I asked, my voice sounding hoarse in my ears.

"Kiss me, Quatre. Please, just kiss me."

I turned in Trowa's arms and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. His hands were shaking on my hips and his lips looked dry. His eyes dropped closed as I leaned closer and brushed his lips with mine. It was quick, just a fleeting thing, and then I had moved back.

Trowa's eyes opened and they were no longer weary. "Thank you."

I smiled and moved back even more from him. "You're welcome. I think I'll go home now."

I saw Trowa's face in the window as I walked down the sidewalk to my car. I saw his face as I pulled away.

I saw Trowa's face everywhere I went, and I tasted that fleeting kiss for days afterward.

It became a sort of routine. I'd wait to hear from Trowa, and it would take all week. Then he'd show up with a last minute dinner invite. I'd go to dinner at their place, we'd either play games or watch a movie, and I'd leave with a soft, simple kiss on my lips.

"You haven't slept with him yet?" Duo asked one night as we sat at a pizza joint, a huge pitcher of beer between the three of us and two huge pizzas covering the table.

"No, Duo, I haven't slept with him. I've only kissed him," I explained. "Besides, when's the last time you got some action? I don't see you bragging about having massive amounts of amazing sex."

That was enough to shut him up, and enough to send Heero's mind completely into the gutter. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at Duo, how much he wanted to be the one to give Duo that amazing sex. I found myself wishing my friends could just find some kind of middle ground, somewhere that they could meet and find their way to one another.

"Have you told him?" Heero asked, arching an eyebrow at me.

"Told him what?"

"About your family," Duo interjected.

"I told him about my sisters," I explained.

"But not about your parents," Duo pointed out.

"Or about the money, either," Heero added.

"No, I haven't. I'd like to tell him about my mom and dad, but then I'd have to tell him about my money, too. I don't know if he could handle knowing how much money I have when his family has little to none."

"Do you want a suggestion?" Heero asked. I nodded. "Talk to Iria. Ask her what she thinks might be best. I certainly don't have any experience taking anyone out."

"But sweetie, you take me out all the time!" Duo exclaimed, fluttering his long lashes and making an absurd, adoring face.

"Shut up," Heero said with a smile.

My friends. Can't live with them and you just can't shoot them.

It's the secret in my life I guard the most: how much money I have and how old that money is. Our family had old money from mining and land development. The fortune and responsibilities of running the various family businesses was split amongst my sisters and me when my mother and father died so unexpectedly.

I was only a baby when it happened and my sister Iria raised me, for the most part. She was already well into her twenties when I was born and she always seemed like the most grounded and generous person I'd ever known. I don't get to see her too often but I decided to take Heero's advice and ask her if I could come over to speak with her.

I smiled as she assured me that it was fine, even as one of my myriad nieces screamed something about a frog in the house. Family was a nice thing to have around, especially when things start to get complicated.

Iria insisted I come for dinner, so I did. The door was opened the moment I pulled into the driveway, and I saw three little blonde heads peeking out at me.

"Uncle Quatre!" They all seemed to squeal at once, throwing themselves at me before I'd even had a chance to set my car alarm. It chirped behind me and we made our way into the house.

"Hey Lexi," I said sweetly to my youngest niece, clinging to my leg. "Sweetheart, could you let go?"

"Uncle Quatre! I found a frog in the back yard today!" That would be Tyler, assuring me that he was still the biggest boy's boy I'd ever known.

"Next it will be snails and puppy dog tails," I teased him. He wrinkled his face up like he didn't know what I was talking about and I sighed in resignation.

Jayla had skipped ahead and into the kitchen, but not to help cook. Iria never cooks if she can help it. I spied a discarded Chinese food menu lying on a small table and the mystery of what we were having was solved.

It was a nice dinner, filled with conversation and news. It was only after we had finished eating, doing the dishes, and had sent the kids off with Iria's husband Morgan, that I felt like I could sit down and tell her what was going on.

She placed a mug of fresh coffee in front of me and I sipped it before beginning. "I met someone."

Iria's face broke out into a grin that quickly faded into puzzlement. "Then why do you seem so down?"

I worried at my lower lip for a moment before responding. "I haven't told him about the money yet. His sister is really sick and she could die any day…"

"You want to do something but you don't want it to seem like charity," Iria helped finish my thought. I nodded and took another sip.

"It seems to me that if I just do it secretly and he finds out then he'd be even madder than had I just handed him a check for a couple of million dollars."

"You're right about that," Iria rested her chin in her hand. "How do you feel about him?"

"He's amazing," I said with a smile. "He's very gentle with his sister, and he cares for her a whole lot. I met him at the zoo."

The zoo was always a sore topic with my sisters. I gave up my positions working with the family businesses so that I could work in a zoo, shoveling shit. It sounds weird, I know, but it works for me.

"Why do you still work there? If you want to work with animals so bad, then why don't you take your millions and go to school?"

"This isn't the reason I came here, Iria," I reminded her. "I like my job because it's fun, and because I don't have to work all that much. If I want to shovel shit, I'll shovel shit."

"Okay!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in surrender. "So, what's the major problem?"

"I don't know how to tell him how much money I have; at least how to tell him without him automatically thinking the worst of my motives. At this point keeping it from him is worse than just omitting the truth. If I felt any less for him than I do then I might be able to just leave it be, but I want him to know the truth about me. I want him to know anything he wants to know."

Iria worried her lower lip, just like I do when I'm deep in thought.

"Take him out."

Her suggestion took me aback. "How?"

"He doesn't take care of her by himself all the time, does he? There must be nurses, or a family friend he could trust? If you take him out, and let him gradually get used to the idea of being spoiled then maybe it won't be such a shock when he sees your condo, or your sports car that you never drive."

The idea had merit. I finished my coffee and thanked Iria with a kiss on the cheek. She saw me out the door and I drove home in my sensible compact car.

Trowa reacted much the same as I thought he would when I talked to him about going out when he came to see me at the zoo.

"Quatre, you _know_ I can't leave Cathy alone! And I can't afford a nurse to come care for her just because I want to go out. Hospice care is enough as it is…"

I put my hand on his forearm, feeling the slim muscles underneath his skin. "Trowa, trust me. For a chance to go out with you for one night I would gladly help pay for a nurse to stay with Cathy. Please, won't you even consider it?"

He looked doubtful, and then resigned. "Fine, I'll ask Cathy what she thinks. But if she has any reservations about it then we can't go, okay?"

I nodded. "Wouldn't dream of it." Which was a lie because I had already dreamed more than once about taking him out and then dreamed even further about taking him back home with me.

"Trowa, could I make a suggestion?" I don't know why I hadn't thought of it earlier, but Iria was going to be pissed once she found out what I was getting her into.

"Sure," Trowa answered as he ran his fingers through his bangs.

"I have a lot of sisters; maybe one of _them_ could watch Cathy?" Yup, Iria was going to kill me.

"I'll talk to Cathy," he said once again. I nodded and watched him leave. Then I took out my phone and dialed Iria's familiar phone number.

"Iria? It's Quatre. Look, remember how you said I should take Trowa out? Well, I may have volunteered you to look after his sister while I do so. Will give you details later."

She was especially going to kill me for leaving her a voice mail like that.

I was drinking coffee and reading in the shop across the street from my building when Trowa called later that day.

"Hello?"

"How's Saturday?"

I could've jumped up and down, but I settled for grinning. "It's fine. I'll make all the arrangements. Pick you up at seven?"

His voice sounded unsure and nervous as he answered me. "Seven's fine."

I was still smiling, even after ten minutes had passed and I was still holding my phone in my hand.

Shit. What were we going to do on this date anyway?

"I'm just so glad that I have the two of you for friends," I sneered. Heero and Duo hadn't stopped laughing since I showed up on Duo's doorstep.

"You love us, Quatre! Your life would be dreadfully boring without the two of us around," Duo pointed out. Heero snorted as he opened another beer and I just settled for a half-hearted glare.

"If the two of you would just stop laughing for a minute and help me out here?" I felt obligated to remind them just why I had come over in the first place.

"You've been having dinner with Trowa for a few weeks now and you have no idea where you want to take him?" Heero sounded doubtful, like I should know exactly where Trowa would like to go.

"What does Trowa do for a living, anyway?" Duo asked as he poured a bag of snack mix into a bowl.

"He doesn't work. He takes care of the house he and Cathy live in, and serves as her full-time nurse. When she started getting sick the only thing he thought he could do was take a few nursing classes to insure he knew what he was doing. The state pays for him to care for her, but it's not much." That kind of explained why he could only come to the zoo for a bit every day. The actual nurses from the hospice were at his house during his zoo time.

"You could pick up some good take-out and then take your car to the beach or something," Duo suggested.

"You could take him for dinner someplace comfortable, and then bring him to the bar for some darts and pool," Heero suggested. "Then you could take him to your place."

"Now there's the big question," Duo mused, "Do you attempt to take him to bed?"

I'm sure I must've blushed. I mean, it wasn't as if I hadn't thought about it before. But our first date without Cathy? I wasn't too sure about that.

"Let Quatre decide that on his own time," Heero said with a soft smile. "He's a big boy."

I followed Heero into the kitchen and looked to make sure Duo wasn't anywhere within earshot. "How's it going, Heero?"

Heero knew exactly who and what I was talking about. "I don't know."

"You need to just come out and tell him. I feel like I need to lock the two of you in a closet," I sighed.

"Why don't you just worry about your problem, and I'll worry about mine," he said with a smile.

"See you guys at the bar on Saturday?" I asked tentatively.

Heero nodded. "If Duo doesn't kill me first."

I decided about two days before the date that I was going to wear a pair of lightweight khaki pants that I had bought a few weeks back with a simple white polo shirt. I didn't want to put any pressure on Trowa and I was pretty sure that something casual would send the message that I wasn't trying to impress him. I wanted to impress him, but I didn't think that was something he could handle on top of leaving Catherine with my sister.

Ah, Iria. She hadn't been as pissed as I thought she'd be. She actually thought it was a lovely idea and had called Trowa right away to answer any questions he might have for her and to introduce herself to Catherine. I knew she'd be there even before I showed to pick Trowa up. I suspected that was something she and Catherine had cooked up. I could see it now, Iria and Catherine whispering and telling Trowa to change his shirt.

I actually thought that would be a unique sight. Trowa Barton was only used to having one female in his life, unlike me.

I tied my shoes and grabbed my keys as I headed out the door of my condo. The next time I came back here I would hopefully have Trowa with me. Not for sex, but maybe for some conversation and some uninterrupted time alone. That would be nice.

Down in the garage I headed toward the car I used the least: my shiny black convertible. I didn't drive it a lot of the time because of the image it conveyed. I wasn't some spoiled rich kid. Granted, I didn't have to work for a large majority of my money, but I didn't swim in it like some kids would. I owned my condo, high in a secure and elite building, I owned my sports car and I owned my more sensible compact car. I didn't need much else.

But she purred like a kitten when I started her up, and I was glad for my leather jacket as I started down the surface streets. A convertible is nice and all, but when the weather starts to get a little colder it can be a pain. Chances are I would put the top up once I got to Trowa's anyway.

I took a few deep breaths as I pulled into the driveway of Trowa and Catherine's small house. I was trying to calm myself down but I was nervous as all hell and unsure of myself. But I finally managed to step out of the convertible and put up the top before walking up to the front door. It opened before my hand reached the knob, and Trowa was suddenly pushed outside. He collided with me and the door shut firmly behind him.

I looked around him and tried not to concentrate on the feeling of Trowa's hands wrapped around my biceps. "Iria kicked you out?"

His hands squeezed my arms briefly. "It looks like it."

I stepped back and took a look at him. Trowa looked nice no matter what he was wearing, but the long, black pants and soft, charcoal turtleneck seemed to turn him from striking into something magnificent.

"Wow," I said softly as I fingered the hem of the turtleneck. He had on black boots that looked worn but not damaged. He looked delicious. Who cared about the boots when the whole package looked good enough to take directly back to the condo?

"Is that yours?" Trowa asked, taking a step away from me and staring at my car.

"Yeah," I said. I'm sure I sounded slightly embarrassed. "Why'd Iria kick you out?"

"She probably got tired of my fidgeting and couldn't wait to get rid of me. She and Cathy are planning on watching a load of chick flicks. They both told me they wouldn't wait up." This Trowa sounded more like the Trowa I had first met at the zoo, the one who flirted easily and had a little more confidence than the one I'd been privy to seeing for the past few weeks or so. It brought a smile to my face.

"Ready to go?" I asked, starting to walk toward the car. Trowa patted his pockets and walked after me.

Trowa looked with longing at the leather interior. "I've always wanted a car with leather inside."

I wanted to add that onto the list of things to get for Trowa, but I knew he'd never accept a gift like that from me. I settled for a smile. "You can drive whenever you want."

I saw Trowa's eyes widen slightly, and then saw the corners of his mouth twitch upward. I decided to let that one go, and just concentrated on getting to dinner.

Oceana was a nice restaurant with a bay view from the patio. Our reservation was for a secluded corner of said patio, with a few heat lamps near us to make sure we didn't freeze. I took off my jacket and hung it over the back of my chair while Trowa pushed up the sleeves of his turtleneck.

"What's good here?" he asked as he opened the menu.

"To tell the truth?" I asked, and Trowa nodded. "There's nothing here that isn't good."

I proved myself right with our meal, which was excellent. We stayed away from drinking alcohol and sipped iced tea instead. By the time the dessert cart came around we were both groaning with fullness and laughing together in conversation. I felt more at ease than I had for a long time, and Trowa looked like he was truly relaxed.

"Where to now?" he asked as we handed the ticket back to the valet.

"I thought that maybe you'd like to meet a couple of my friends," I told him, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Trust me, they're a lot of fun. I thought we'd go play some pool and throw some darts, if that's okay with you."

Trowa slid into the leather seat and ran his fingers through his bangs. "And what then?"

The air in the car changed. I knew what he was asking. "Trowa, I wouldn't do anything to purposefully make you uncomfortable. If you'd rather go home then I'll take you home. I was planning on pool, darts, and then going back to my place; but only because I thought it might be nice to show you where I live and to spend some alone time with you. I'd think that you'd have a better opinion of me than that after these past few weeks. Do I seem like the type to romance you just to get into your pants?"

"Romance me?" His voice turned from serious into amused. I hit his arm lightly and pulled away from the restaurant. I could only hope that Heero and Duo could make Trowa feel more at ease than I seemed to be.

I was right. Heero and Duo were in top form even as we walked into the bar.

"Well, well, well! This must be the reason Quatre's always late to trivia night!" Duo said slyly as he held out his hand for a shake. "I'm Duo Maxwell."

Trowa shook hands with Duo and smiled the same nervous smile I'd seen on his face many times before. "Trowa Barton."

Duo winked and slid his hand over Heero's shoulder. "This is my partner-in-crime, Heero Yuy."

Heero held out his hand also, but not without giving me a guilty blush. Ah, those two had finally gotten somewhere good while I was wooing Trowa. About damned time.

"It's nice to meet you both," Trowa said politely.

The silence lingered a moment longer than was comfortable and I clapped my hands together once and rubbed them together. "I say we need some darts!"

I don't know why I didn't remember that Trowa came from a circus family. He beat us all at darts in a small amount of time.

"Damn circus folk," Duo joked, "Always showing off for the crowd."

Trowa smiled at my friend and shook his head. "Been a long time since I've thrown a knife. Cathy used to be the big thrower in the family."

I watched him look around and I offered him my cell phone. "Why don't you duck out the back door and give Iria a call?"

"Thanks," he said softly, but I was already stalking over to my friends.

"Well, it looks like a couple of guys got a clue," I said, noting the way Heero's hand was resting on Duo's knee.

"Can't stay stupid forever," Duo said smugly. Heero laughed and squeezed the thigh below his hand.

"You would've, I bet," I disagreed.

"He's cute, Quatre," Heero said in his low voice. "Not very confident in anything except a task he's doing, though. He looked downright intense when he was throwing darts."

"A cop every hour of the day," Duo said as he leaned his face up for a kiss.

"Life's handed him nothing but shit," I said to them. "I intend to change that."

Trowa came back inside looking cheerful again and I took my phone back.

"Everything all right?" I asked politely.

"They're fine, according to Iria," Trowa smiled. "She's really nice."

"Too nice," I muttered.

"I say some pool is next on our agenda," Heero said abruptly as he hopped down from his stool. Duo got up and followed Heero, and soon we were all around the pool table, sharpening our cues.

Trowa proved to be good at pool too, and Duo asked more than once if there was anything Trowa couldn't do. I wanted to hit him for it but decided to wait until later to chastise Duo for being so insensitive. Of course there was something Trowa couldn't do, and it was too bad that the one thing he couldn't do was the one thing he wanted to be able to do the most.

My building is in downtown. It's large and tall. I happen to have a large condo on the twenty-sixth floor next to Mrs. Landerson and her fox terriers.

But Trowa knew nothing of this when we pulled into the parking garage and I found one of my assigned spaces.

"Where are we now?" he asked as he got out of the car.

I stayed silent as I pulled the car cover over the convertible.

"Home," I finally said. It was as close as one, anyway. Trowa's place actually felt more like home than this place, even though I owned it outright.

"You work in a zoo," Trowa said simply.

"I do," I agreed.

"You live in this building," he said, confused.

"I do. I own a condo here," I headed toward the elevators and waited at the doors for him to follow. He did, and I pressed the up button. "I live on the twenty-sixth floor, next to Mrs. Landerson and her fox terriers."

"Quatre, do you have money?" Trowa asked, his gaze sharpening a little.

"I won't lie to you and say I don't. Let's call it an accident of birth," I offered.

The ride up to my floor was filled with elevator music and nothing else, as I began to feel Trowa cool a little towards me. All the good will and laughter that had bubbled between us all night was fading fast, and I didn't quite know what to do.

"Do you want to go home?" I heard myself ask as we stepped off the elevator and into the lushly carpeted hallway near my door.

"If I wanted to go home I wouldn't have gotten in the elevator," Trowa said softly. I turned toward him and wrapped my arms around him, trying to convey how much I appreciated him staying. After a moment he hugged me back, and I knew somehow we'd get through this.

My home is very richly toned. I don't like white and black like some more modern homeowners. My floors were teak, with cream-colored throw rugs dotting the floor. The furniture was suede and leather, in varying shades of brown. The pillows were patterned richly, in reds and greens.

Trowa took it all in and smiled. "You don't live like a zookeeper."

I laughed. "Sure you want to hear the whole story?"

He nodded, so I walked into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" he asked, sitting on a floor cushion in my dining room.

"Making coffee. It's a long story," I measured out the grounds into the French press and poured in hot water from my filtration system.

"How long can it be?" he asked.

I stared at the water as it darkened. "Longer than you'd think."

I put the cups of coffee on the table between us. I didn't like the distance, but I felt like it would be necessary to make Trowa feel better.

"My family is, well, very wealthy," I started out. "But my own fortune is self-made…"

I told him the story of where our money came from, and how the responsibilities had been split when my mother and father had died. I told him about how I gave up my share save for a set amount of money and then made my fortune on my own. I told him of why I worked at the zoo and why I just didn't take my money and run.

"This was Iria's idea," I confessed. "I wanted to romance you, silly as it sounds, and knew it would be very difficult to do so. I don't know….I didn't want you coming away from this doubting me."

"Doubting you?" Trowa asked as he took another sip of hot coffee. "It's not your fault you have money and I don't?"

"What if I said that I wanted to help?" I asked him, watching as his eyes narrowed just like I thought they would. "See? Your whole face changed."

"Changed how?" Trowa asked.

"Your face got mean. It was still a beautiful face but it got mean," I explained. "You're protective of Cathy, and of the life you've made taking care of her. For someone to try and step in to help, even if it's me…it's like I'd be trying to take your place. But I want to help, Trowa. I want to help her get better."

"Why? What's in it for you?" he asked.

It stung that he'd ask that, but I knew it was a question that had to be answered. "You. You're in it for me. I'm not in this to steal you from Cathy or to separate you two…but you're a wonderful person that deserves to do things like go out without worrying about whether or not she's okay or being taken care of."

"I'm always going to worry, Quatre," Trowa said softly as he stood like he was going to leave. "That's a fact of my life. Cathy is always going to be sick, and I am always going to worry. So if you're looking for an easy solution then I'm afraid you're out of luck."

I put out a hand to stop him. "No, Trowa! It's not like that! I just…I want more for you. Is it so bad that I want happiness for you? For you to not be so weighed down?"

Trowa's fingers are gentle on my skin, and it makes me shiver as they trail down my arms. "I told you quite some time ago that I was already wrapped up in someone."

"I want to be wrapped up in you too," I insist, twining my fingers with Trowa's and bringing them up to my mouth. "I'd like to be wrapped up in you and around you if you'd only let me."

My eyes are wide open as I look up at Trowa, hoping he can see how much I want him, how much I want whatever he can or will give to me. I bring his hand close to my lips and kiss his knuckles. One by one I suck them into my mouth, letting my tongue flick out to taste him.

"Quatre," Trowa's voice is a whisper and a moan.

"Yes?" I ask innocently as I let go of his hand to unbutton his shirt.

"What are you doing to me?" he asks wondrously, his hands reaching out to unbutton my shirt, almost as if on auto-pilot.

"I hope the same thing you've been doing to me ever since the first time I saw you," I say with a deep exhalation. "Hopefully I'm driving you mad."

"You are. You have been," he whispers, his voice so small in the large room. His hands are tan against my pale skin and warm where they touch me. I hold his hands against me as I kiss him again and let my shirt fall to the floor. Trowa's follows only seconds later as we stumble awkwardly to the couch.

From there nothing existed except Trowa's hands and mouth. Where he kissed me I felt like I was on fire and where he touched me I felt complete. Nothing else came off our bodies but when we were done I felt like I had just had the best sex of my life. And judging my Trowa's spaced out and sated expression I was hoping he felt the same way.

"I'll be right back," I tell him as I kiss him again. I get up and grab a blanket out of the closet. I lay down with Trowa on the couch again and cover us up, noting how very tired he looks.

"Sleep now," I tell him as I nuzzle his neck. "I'll take you home later."

Moments later, Trowa is asleep. I feel myself being dragged down and I let it happen, falling asleep in the only place I've ever truly desired.

True to my word I took Trowa home in the morning, after some more kissing and breakfast at my favorite diner. Iria looked tired but happy when we finally showed up and gladly handed over the reins to Trowa so she could go home.

"Thank you, Iria," I tell her as I walk her to her car.

"Trowa's a lucky guy," she says with a short smile. "He has Cathy, and now he has you. The guy has pretty good taste."

I kiss her on the cheek and send her on her way.

Trowa is blushing when I go back inside. I kiss Catherine on the cheek and wink at her. "Don't worry, I didn't corrupt him fully."

Her laughter is music to my ears, even as Trowa groans and hits his head on the wall.

"Did you have breakfast?" Trowa asks once the laughter had died down.

"Iria fed me," Cathy says with a smile. "I'd like to see her again."

"I'm sure she'd love to come," I offer as I take a cup of coffee Trowa has poured. "She had a great time, I can tell."

Cathy's eyes look out of focus for a moment, but then they are on me again and full of joy. "Did you guys have fun?"

"Sure!" I tell her about where I'd taken Trowa, and she acted suitably impressed. Trowa smiled from where he was leaning against the counter and watched us. It had never occurred to me how much this felt like home, how much it felt like Cathy was my sister too. And when I go to hug her before I leave her whisper of gratitude means more to me than almost anything else anyone has ever said.

The call came while I was sweeping out the elephant stalls two days later. I looked at my cell phone, saw that it was Trowa, and answered immediately.

"Hello?"

"Quatre! Cathy…she…oh god…paramedics…she wouldn't wake up!"

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Stay put!" I threw down my push broom and ran for the employee lockers. My wallet and keys were in there, as well as my clean clothes. I grabbed everything in a bunch and ran for my manager's office.

"I have to go! Family emergency!" I called out as I passed it. I didn't wait to see if he had heard me. I just ran, as fast as I could.

The traffic couldn't move fast enough as I drove to Trowa's house. It was only as I pulled into the driveway that I remembered that Trowa would've probably rode to the hospital and he wouldn't be at home. So I drove in the direction of the nearest hospital, where I knew Cathy probably was.

The emergency room was controlled chaos, and I went right to the desk.

"Catherine Barton, please!" I almost shouted, my hands gripping the counter in front of me.

"Hold on please," the nurse held up her hand and used her mouse and keyboard for a minute. "She's in intensive care. You'll have to go up there and see if they'll let you in. But I warn you, they won't unless you're related to her."

I was away before the nurse finished talking. I ran through the corridors and was told, on more than one occasion, to stop running and walk. I finally reached ICU and went straight for their desk.

"Yes," I gasped out. "I need to speak with Trowa Barton, who's in with Catherine Barton."

The nurse clicked and typed and then smiled at me. "Let me call in there and see if he'll come out. He's pretty broken up."

I waited what seemed like forever before Trowa finally appeared, wearing a mask and looking like he had died.

"Trowa!" I choked out before folding my arms around him. "What happened?"

He started to cry then, silent tears that ran down his face. "I went to wake her up, because she needed breakfast. She wouldn't wake up, Quatre. She hasn't woken up since."

I hugged him tighter, and felt his arms come around me in a tight hug. I stood there and let him cry on my shoulder for several minutes, until he pushed me away.

"I need you to leave, Quatre," he said abruptly and haltingly.

"What?" I was confused. Why would he need me to leave? I belonged here, supporting him.

"I need you to leave. And please, don't come back." Trowa turned his back and walked away from me, back towards his sister.

"I love you!" I blurted out. I don't know why I chose the middle of a hospital ICU to blurt that particular confession out, but out it came, and he stopped for a second.

"I can't love you," is what he said. And then he was gone.

I don't remember the drive home. I just remember feeling numb, feeling like something was ripped out of me. And when I saw Catherine's name in the obituaries three days later I cried harder than I had ever cried. Not only for her loss of life, but also for the loss of Trowa. I knew how much he had loved her. She was all he had left. And the way he had sounded in the hospital…it was final. He didn't want me around. I still didn't know why, but I was trying to understand and respect his wishes.

The paper had said there would be no funeral or memorial service. Family only, it had said. But what kind of wake would it be with one, solitary person? I went to the cemetery anyway, and laid a large bouquet of flowers on the headstone. I thought I felt myself being watched, but no one was there when I looked and I went home to my expensive penthouse and felt cold to the bone.

A week later the man at the front desk rang up to my penthouse to ask if I wanted a Trowa Barton to be sent up. I told the man to go ahead and then I waited with the door open.

He came out of the elevator looking shorter than he usually did, probably because his head was down and his body was slumped. He looked tired and like someone had killed his dog. But then again, a sickness had finally killed his sister so I guess the look was normal for the grieving.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly as he approached my door.

He held up a disc. "Catherine wanted you to see this. Seems she and Iria made this tape the night…"

I watched him bite his lip and turn his head away. I opened the door all the way and let him through without another word. Catherine Barton had been a good person, and I'd listen to whatever she had to say no matter how much it hurt to have Trowa around after he'd rejected me.

I put the disc in my player and sat down, waving my hand at a chair for Trowa to take.

Catherine was lying in her bed when the picture came on, looking just as she had when we left to go on our date. "This disc was made for Trowa Barton and Quatre Winner and is only to be seen by them. My cameraperson is Iria, and she had no idea I was going to ask her to do this tonight."

I watched as Catherine struggled to sit up, Iria finally coming out from behind the camera to help her. I heard the sharp intake of Trowa's breath, as if the strength Catherine needed was taken from him instead of inside herself. Then she began to speak again.

"I'm afraid I haven't been all the way honest with you lately, Trowa. And I'm sorry, more than you'll ever know but they told me not too long ago that I didn't have very much longer to live and that I should start making arrangements. They told me I should start saying my goodbyes. And I couldn't say goodbye to you! I couldn't do that to you. So I decided that this would be for the best, that you didn't know I was going to go. You would've only worried yourself sick and probably shoved Quatre out of your life.

"That's the one thing I definitely don't want: for you to get rid of Quatre. He's the best thing that's ever happened to both of us and I wish you could see it as well as I do. You're out right now and I hope you're having a wonderful time and I hope to hell you don't come home until morning.

"Don't dwell on this, Trowa. Don't dwell on me and my sickness and what you think you maybe could've done or should've done. Don't worry about the whats or hows or whys of it all. I want you to move on, and to be happy. I think you'll find that Quatre may be more than willing to assist you with that. At least, I hope he can.

"Be well, Trowa. Be happy. And don't worry about me. Chances are that I'm a whole lot better off now. I love you."

The screen went blue, signaling the end of the message. I got up and removed the disc from the player, slipping it into its case and turning to hand it to Trowa. He hadn't moved from his seat and only stared forward, his face blank.

"Trowa? Disk?" I waved it in front of his face and he took it from me, tucking it into his pocket.

Neither of us moved and it took a long time for me to speak again. "Can I get you something to drink or do you have someplace you need to be?"

Trowa's eyes were trained on the carpet, it seemed, but he spoke anyway. "Something strong and I have no place to be."

I arched an eyebrow but went to my kitchen and poured him a double shot of bourbon just the same. For good measure I poured myself one also, tilting the glass back and letting the warm liquor burn a path down my throat.

"You didn't just come here to show me that disk," I said as I handed him the glass. He held it between his hands and looked deeply into it. "So tell me, Trowa, why are you really here?"

His eyes were full of pain when he lifted them to look at me. "I don't know how to do this. I want to say I'm sorry, but I can't. I want to tell you I care but I don't know how. I'm just as stuck as I was the day I met you."

"I don't think that's true," I offered gently. "You're making yourself stuck and that's the problem."

"Then tell me, Quatre," Trowa sighed as he slumped in the chair. "Tell me how to move."

I walked over to where he was sitting and knelt in front of him. "You just have to trust in me, Trowa. You just have to trust that I love you, trust that I know you're sorry, and trust me to know that you care. You can't do it all yourself. You did it all for too long: took care of a house and Cathy and tried to keep it all together. You don't know how to let go anymore, how to let someone else handle the reins for once."

He just looked at me, so tired and yet so cautious. He always has that look about him, as if he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"You're afraid of me," I tell him. His eyes meet mine and he slowly nods, as if he isn't sure of his answer. I've sunk down onto my heels and I rise back up onto my knees, pushing Trowa's legs apart with my hands. I scoot closer to him and hold his hands in mine.

"Don't be afraid of me," is all I can think to say as I turn over his hands and kiss the center of his palms. "Please, not of me."

I can see a tear escape the corner of his impossibly green eyes and I let go of his hand to wipe it away with my thumb. I wipe my thumb on my pants and stand.

Running my thumb over the back of Trowa's hand I ask quickly, "Come to bed with me?"

For a minute I'm sure he's going to run away and, this time, he would never be back. I'd lose him for sure. But to my surprise he doesn't run, he just stands and follows me as I begin to walk to my bedroom.

I take my time, slowly pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the side before unbuttoning each button on the fly of his jeans and pushing them down over his slim hips. Trowa's got the longest legs; they go on forever it seems. He toes his own shoes off and does the same with his socks. Soon he's left in only his briefs before I push those down and he steps out of them.

"Can I help you?" he asks suddenly, his voice soft and unsure. I nod, and he unbuttons my shirt for me, sliding it down my arms and letting it drop to the floor. He carefully unzips and unbuttons my jeans before letting me push them down my legs and step out of them.

I quickly lower my own briefs and toss them aside before holding out my hand again.

"However far you want, Trowa," I tell him. "If it's even just holding you, I'll be perfectly fine."

He nods almost absently as he climbs onto the bed, sliding under my sheets and settling his head on the pillow. I smile at him there and then copy his actions, sliding under the sheets and up against him, resting my head on his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his midsection.

His skin is soft, but there's a definite hardness underneath that I think kind of defines Trowa's whole nature. He's so tough, but so gentle. He's strong, but kind. That's who he is, and I don't think I could want for anything else in a man.

"It's hard for me to say it to anyone, you know?"

I pay attention to his every word and stay silent. It's Trowa's time to talk and for me to listen.

"I had a hard time even saying it to Cathy, because I knew one day I was going to lose her. And that's why I haven't been able to…can't…why I've never told you that. It's why I couldn't even bring myself to admit it inside my head."

I nod against his chest and reach for one of his hands. It's almost shaking in mine and when he speaks again his voice is shaking.

"I thought I'd lost you too, you know? That I'd done exactly what Cathy wouldn't have wanted me to do and I pushed you away. and I pushed you away. I tried to save you from me."

"I never needed saving, Trowa," I tell him, "I always knew what you were and why you did what you did. I could feel it in my heart. The only person that needed saving was you and even Cathy could see that."

His tears come openly then, spilling onto my pillowcase as he wraps his arms around me and holds me close. I wriggle around until I can look down at his face and I kiss him, pouring every little feeling I have for him into it. His mouth opens and I slide my tongue inside, seeking out his and stroking it gently, increasing the passion of the kiss as his hands begin to wander up and down my back and sides.

When I finally break away for air Trowa's lips are swollen and red. His eyes are glazed over and I smile.

"Cathy wanted for you to be happy, Trowa. All I want to know is if you think you could be happy with me."

He nods and rolls me over onto my back.

"I think," he says as he wipes the last of his tears away from his face, "that if I can be happy with anyone, I'd like it best if it were with you. I think you can make my sky bluer and my sun brighter…"

My smile grows as he rains kisses down on my face, and then the smile turns into a gasp as he latches onto my throat and sucks gently on the skin there. His tongue darts out and flicks against my pulse and then trails up to my ear, licking around the outer shell before lapping gently at my earlobe.

"Trowa!" I gasp, digging my nails into his back.

"I want to make you happy," he whispers into my ear.

"You already do," I whisper back.

"I want to love you," he says softly.

"You will," I volunteer.

"I will," he repeats as he kisses his way down my chest, flinging the covers off of us. "I will, I will, I will…"

His mouth on my cock is a revelation, like heaven on Earth. It's slick and hot and he sucks like he's tasting the best thing in the world. I grab at his head and latch onto his hair, holding his head in place as my hips start to move instinctively. He stops me with his hands and holds me down by the hips, making me groan in frustration.

"Damn!" I groan, arching my back and letting go of his head to grab the headboard above me. My balls are tightening and I can feel the rush coming even as it hits me, wave after wave of pleasure spilling over me even as I distantly feel Trowa sucking me dry.

"Trowa!" I call out, wanting him to know that he makes me feel this way; that only he can make me feel like this. I know it now, how complete he makes everything for me. It makes me love him even more than I did before and when he finally lets go of my cock I pull him up to kiss him, deeply and passionately, tasting my own semen on his tongue.

He lets me push him down onto his back and I lovingly suck on his tan nipples, loving the little gasps he makes when I nip at them with my teeth. I reach my hand down and grasp his dick, stroking it until it's completely hard in my hand.

"I need you," I say to him as I reach into the nightstand drawer and get out the lube. "I need you in me like I need air to breathe!"

I straddle his lap and open the lube, squirting some onto my fingers and onto his erection. I coat his cock with it and then reach my fingers behind my back and find my entrance. I'm no stranger to stretching my own ass and I make quick work of it, only needing two fingers inside to make me loose enough to allow Trowa's entrance. I hold his cock still and lower myself onto it, feeling the slight burn that always accompanies entry when it comes to anal sex; but then the burn is gone and all that's left is fullness.

"Quatre!" Trowa hisses as I begin to move on top of him, raising and lowering myself onto his cock, slowly at first but then gaining speed. His nails dig into my hips and his back arches as I ride him, racing for completion.

Trowa surprises me by sitting up and holding onto my hips as he flips us over. His cock slips out of my ass and I whimper, wanting him inside me again.

Trowa grabs my leg and pushes it back, exposing my ass to his gaze. He grabs his cock with his right hand and pushes back inside of me, my ass swallowing him up greedily. He moves deep and fast, pushing into me like he wants to climb inside of me, like we can't ever get close enough. I cry out his name and claw at his back, rolling with the incredible feeling of it.

I grasp my renewed erection with my hand and pump it, my nails digging into Trowa's hip, urging him on even as I speed up my own fist, jacking myself off until I feel the rush again, spilling semen onto my stomach and Trowa's chest.

"Quatre!" he gasps, moving more erratically. He tenses and I feel his orgasm hit, making him drive even harder and even deeper inside of me as he spills his seed in my ass. He's grunting and panting and it's the best music I think I've ever heard.

I stroke his back softly, trailing my fingers over the skin as he collapses on top of me. I don't mind; he's not heavy. I smile and inhale deeply, smelling him and smelling us and it's a heady perfume.

He rolls off of me after a minute, dragging me along with him so I'm back to lying on his shoulder, my arm around his midsection and our legs intertwined. He kisses the top of my head and hugs me close, like I might go somewhere if he lets go.

"I'm not going to lose you," he says, and I wonder if he meant to say it out loud.

"Quit thinking you will. We all lose people sometimes. But I can guarantee that I don't want to leave. I have never wanted to leave," I offer.

"Then don't," he says to me, "Don't ever leave me."

I smile and hug him. "Wild horses couldn't drag me away."

A year later we broke ground on the Catherine Barton Center for Medical Research. Trowa had only agreed to it on the condition that we research all fatal diseases, not just Catherine's. He insisted she'd want it that way. So I complied, and together we designed the place, working with an architect to get it exactly the way we wanted it. Trowa told me he could look at the plans and see exactly what Catherine would've done in them and that makes me happy.

I quit the job at the zoo to become director of the foundation that funds the center. Trowa insisted that he didn't have the head for business that I do and that he wanted to pursue becoming a chef. He said he'd always enjoyed cooking for other people and so he thought being a chef would be a great thing for him.

We sold Trowa's house. He told me there were too many memories of Catherine being sick there and he didn't want those tainted memories to stain the way he wanted to remember his sister. Trowa moved into my penthouse and we've been living there ever since.

It was a long time before Trowa said he loved me. I only remember it so clearly because it came out of the blue. I was at work one day, going over applications for a secretary when my cell rang. I answered it almost absently, not even glancing at who was calling. "Quatre Winner."

"I love you."

That was enough to shake me out of my fog. "What?"

"I…love you."

I smiled. "I love you too."

"I've wanted to say it for so long now," he said almost breathlessly.

I nodded even though he couldn't see me. He hadn't needed to say it. I knew he loved me. "Would it be silly of me to say I'm proud of you?"

"No, it's not silly. I finally feel like I can say it. I finally feel free enough to say it. Is that stupid?"

"No Trowa," I said as I spun around in my office chair, "it's not stupid at all."

-The End-


End file.
